we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
