my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
