I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
