apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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