I just saw a hot homeless man
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
