hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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