The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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