and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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