apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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