pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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