dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i will never coherently bang her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
