you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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