Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
