im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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