are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
