bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize