I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
