as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
