I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
