i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
