So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
