tell your sister to shave her snatch
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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