omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
