I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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