Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
