there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
