Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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