dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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