your parents love me but you hate me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.