He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.