she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.