she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.