I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
