When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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