Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
