i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
