Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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