You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my shit smells like andre
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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