there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this boner is exhausting
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
