Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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