so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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