ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
