ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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