Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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