you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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