you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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