I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
