I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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