Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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