it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
