I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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