Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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