Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
