isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
