Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
