I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
