I heard we made out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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