I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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