she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
