Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
