My room smells like vodka and shame
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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