I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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