my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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