there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
