it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize