Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
