Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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