The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
