I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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