Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
