So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
