wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
