Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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