dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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