Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
