I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
