I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
