sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
