I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
