so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
