I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
