Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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